SaraEllen

So here I am at my pity party. When did I loose all my self-esteem, motivation self control.  I decide that I am going to do this, I have said this before This time I will pray and rely on God to help me. I don’t know if it is I excpect to much. But I honestly don’t know where to start. I have given up soda and coffee. Drinking water and Tea with honey. Try to make good decsions and it works for a bit. Now here we are 3rd day and I ate Killbassa Casserole, trust me don’t even want to know what is in it, for lunch I had a patty melt at Jonny Rockets. So then the little voice inside my head says don’t be upset one step at a time. You have given up soda and coffee. Don’t worry about food just yet. Is that right? Do I do it and do it all the way, then I haven’t started excersising I have been sleeping mostly Girly issues and withdraw form coffee and soda. I have gone from at leaset 40 ozs of coffee a day to none. So do I jump all in or do I work mysielf in? This isn’t a blog this is a post I don’t frinken know I am so upset and disappointed in myself

I was reading last night and I cam onto a scripture…

Jeremiah 15:16 (New King James Version)

¹⁶ Your words were found, and I ate them,
      And Your word was to me the joy and rejoicing of my heart;
      For I am called by Your name,
      O LORD God of hosts.

I started thinking…yesturday was a real test and I think I faired alright but I don’t know…I started with my normal cup of Wawa coffee. Columbian with about a 1/4 cup of Irish Cream Creamer. (Hey at least I got rid of the sugar) then it was family dinner day at church DANGEROUS! Oh yes I didn’t forget about breakfast I didn’t eat it. So family dinner I had some fried chicken skin, chicken marsala, mac and cheese, and some german potatoes salad. I was good and instead of picking up the soda that I thought I did want but found the strength not to even want it [wonder who that could of been ;0) ] I didn’t go back for seconds another amazing feet…I am sorry I did go back but did not get anythiing. Next stop WaWa for some water WOW and then to a carnival I know setting myself up for failure. There I had 2 hot dogs a couple fries small ice cream and water.  Home for some couch time with the hubby watched a movie and had some micowav butter popcorn and water. Not much movement I am going to work on that I used to be so active all the time.

So as I sat down to read this scripture hits me…I would eat anything I saw in situations like this before. Instead I focused on Jesus and the promise I have made to him and me I fed myself with his word and I was full. Full of delight joy and hope not fatty food, Lets just hope I can stand on this today.

So today went well I haven’t really started the diet yet…I know moving on. I did however find myself wanting to make better decisions. I opened a soda case the Dr Pepper calling my name yet again but I skipped over my dear friend and picked up that water, funny thing I found myself enjoying the water more. Went to a wedding today I know start a diet go to a wedding the 2 go hand and hand…I found myself saying no and portioning out except for the shrimp cocktail need to work on that I wonder how many of them are a serving surely can’t be far from the 10 or so I ate…oops. I did dance that is excersise right. Why is this so hard I look at myself and YUCK I run up the stairs and my legs are on fire. Why is it so hard to not want food. I am not an emotinal eater quite the opposite. Stress leads to NO appetite, So how has this happened and why is it going to be diffrent this time.

1 Corinthians 3:17 (New Living Translation)

¹⁷ God will destroy anyone who destroys this temple. For God’s temple is holy, and you are that temple.

I am hopping my difference will be my Lord and Savior. I have alway releyed on myself this time I rely on him Think this will work do I think this is his willl, have I been brought to this place feeling this low so I will finally surrender yet another sin to him. Leave this at the alter without picking it back up I still have trouble with it. I just hope this is the day!

I have destroyed the Lord’s temple that is me. Praise the Lord I can ask forgiveness and I do truely repent for what has happened to my body I just pray that what I have done to myself The Lord will help me bring back so that I may be what he created me to be. Lord please give me the strength and wisdom to made better decisions and for the fortatude to do what I need to. Thank You Jesus, Amen

First I would like to apologize it seems my spell check doesn’t work and I stink at spelling so with that said….

Well today is the today…LOL like I haven’t said that before. Here I am and hey this is my first blog so hey hey for that. So wieght has been an issure for me for a LONG time. It didn’t start out that way for me. I could eat anything my whole childhood. Then I found dieting…So I tried why I have no idea. I got pregnant with my first son and gained 105 lbs…Lost all of that thanks to my 17y/o metabolism and the sheer fear of returning to high school fat. After a terrible break up at 21 I was a wopping 90 lbs at 5 foot 7 inches. That is where it all started downhill I wouldn’t eat for weaks at a time. Then when stress mode was over and I started eating again I just couldn’t stop gaining. I weighed 150 lbs for about 5 yrs after that and again a break up this time dropping 30 lbs. Once again after not eating from stress once I started the weight just piled on.

At 25 I got married and pregnant. 85 lbs later my gorgous little boy was born I never lost his weight and 18 mths later became preg. with my daughter I only gained 4 lbs with her and lost that.  Now the youngest is going to be 7 and his 85 lbs is still here, Ready I am going to say it out loud I am Sara and I weigh 200 lbs. OUCH oh my where is that delete botton.? If it was just that easy for this weight.

So one two three I am jumping in….Don’t be alarmed at the food for the next weak I am going to start this blog and tracker thing eating normal…So I can see where I am going wrong Actually I knwo about where somewhere between a plate and my mouth….YIKES.